The Foundation of Canada

Canada has a proud, illustrious history. We all know that Canada was originally founded as a massive ring for Vikings to stage their legendary Wrestling Matches. The Vikings stumbled upon America while they were looking for a chest of Dabloons. When they arrived at America, they were sorely disappointed to find that the whole continent lacked a unified wrestling federation. They naturally abandonded their settlements and moved to Sweden to found IKEA.

(Average Viking Wrestler)

Many years later, the Spaniards decided to found their wrestling federation in the New World. This would prove to be problematic when they found that the cosmos' best Luchador, famed for his feathered mask, Quetzalcoatl (see picture to right); was living in Mexico at the time, and would be obligated to defend his title against any and all foreign Wrestlers.

(Quetzalcoatl)

It was then that the concerned parties, the Mexican Wrestling Federation (Or NAMBLA), and the Spaniard investors that wanted all the Pesos that they could wring out of Pay Per View rights on a North American Wrestling network; decided to use the most barbaric means available to them to solve their differences. Pick up Soccer (or Futbol)

The game was to take place in the neutral territory of Canada, known even in the Long Long Ago for being a land of pussies. Women and children were lined up and executed with cannonballs covered in black and white polygons (a symbol of racial unity; which is why Canada didn't have slavery.)

The good natured game eventually evolved into a savage game of what could only be described as "Iron Chef", but with guns, spears and mass human sacrifice. It was eventually decided that Firearms outstripped the Mexican strategy of killing trained warriors to appease a masked wrestler. When all of the chaos settled the Canadians decided that they would never again let such barbarism touch its golden shores, so they took up the totally non-violent sports of Hockey, and Bear Hunting.

(Canadian Brown Bear )

The Viking would later return to Canada, mercilessly stalking the countryside like Chupacabra. Accept that most Vikings (or Neo-Vikings) do not have a taste for the blood of livestock.

(A Chupacabra)

This brings us to modern day Canada, a land infested with French-Canadians, Bears, Chupacabra and the odd Neo-Viking. Please keep the Canadian people in your prayers as they fend off the barbarian hordes of drunk hunters, and people who may or may not habitually drink the blood of Mexican Livestock (as vengeance for the war crimes committed by the Mexican Wrestling Federation in the infamous "Pay Per View Contract Conflict of '01)